Sunday, May 08, 2005
Alright already, we graduated in the same year and never knew each other, though I think I do remember her.
We were in fact both sorority sisters...but in different sororities. She was in the one that dinged me in the first round of parties. Ouch!
But, still, seeing Ann, or Ann's bestselling books, or Ann on TV...etc...always elicits an emotional response from me. Those of you who know where I stand politically - and that is probably anyone who knows me - will think that the emotion that she elicits is annoyance or anger at her views. Well, there is some of that. But the major component, I should be embarrassed to say, is sheer and utter JEALOUSY. There, I said it. In a public place. I have opened my green-eyed soul to my gentle readers. I hope that you are able to continue reading this after you recoiled in utter shock, disgust and horror. I must purge myself of this terrible scurge I suffer. I have decided to do so by writing about it in the BLOG. Here goes.
I hate her views...no surprise here. I am not jealous of this, of course, but I wish that I could air my views on national TV.
I don't envy her personal life or that she has to have a body guard and worry about stalkers... but let's face it, she brought it on herself by being the sort of public figure that she is.
I hate her height and thin-ness and her long blond hair. Why? Because I want to be tall and thin and have long blond hair.
I hate that she is famous. Okay, one thing you might not know about me is that I have always wanted to be famous. Really. It is true.
I hate that she paid attention in school and went to law school and had high power jobs. I didn't pay attention and ended up in my first job at General Foods being a "Coconut Specialist". CNN has never asked me to be on any program to discuss that.
I hate that she gets $25 - $50 grand per lecture. NOBODY has ever paid me to hear me talk. Maybe some people might want to pay me to shut up from time to time, but that isn't the same thing and we both know it.
I hate that my biological mother urges me often to "just read Ann". "She is SO bright!" AAARRGGHH!
And so on and so on...you get the idea. An Ann spotting is enough to ruin part of a normal day and ALL of a pre-menstral day. I just immediately feel like a big fat failure. I find myself asking, What have I done with my life? And worse, answering...NOTHING!
Now, don't worry so much...I don't really feel like I have done nothing with my life. I don't feel that way at all. Plus, it helps that my husband always responds..."But honey, she is an asshole. And, I think that she is too thin." Take that, Ann!
Phew! Glad to get this off my chest. So nice of you to listen...and not charge me a hundred fifty an hour!
Hmmm...I AM feeling better. It worked! Writing this down makes me see how silly I am. Stay tuned for all my petty problems!