Sunday, October 23, 2005
Mother In Law
So, we have some company. Chris's parents arrived this afternoon and Meg, Abram and Betsy arrived early evening. Betsy is a nice fat baby and is pretty adorable. She is two months old.
Those who know me know that even though I am an enthusiastic mother to my own little Jack, I have just about no desire to hold any baby, even Betsy. Before Jack, I wasn't very interested in babies at all. With Jack, it was an entirely different story. I loved holding Jack but I can't think of another kid I have ever wanted to hold. Some people just gotta hold the baby, no matter whose little urchin it is. Not me. And change another kid's diaper? Forget it.
I guess in this case I thought I would feel differently, but I don't yet. Part of it is probably that I am reluctant to get drawn in and fall in love with this little baby. Given everything that has happened in my relationship with Meg, I am gun-shy and unable or perhaps unwilling to move in any closer than cordial. When she decided to have a baby, it certainly changed the rules of our relationship from parental/child to something else entirely. I haven't quite figured out what that is yet. Time will tell but for now, I really think its the best I can do. Occasionally I wish I could be different, but that is never a very productive exercise. So, onward ho.
Enough of THAT. Heavy, heavy. But, I just had to get a little of it out. Truth-be-told, I feel sort of lonely and uneasy tonight. It always throws me off kilter to have house guests, even if I love them dearly. For as social as I appear to be, I am a bit of a recluse and need all sorts of time and space to myself. I get uneasy when I don't get it. I am also really tired since the house alarm went off at 4:30 AM due to a malfunction. It took me about an hour to get back to sleep and about twenty minutes after that, Jack woke me up to start my bright and early day.
Let's end on an upbeat note so that I can sign off feeling cheery rather than a bit cranky and off:
It was an absolutely beautiful day today and we did get to go the the Farmer's Market. I think that if everyone in the world went there once a week, there would be peace on Earth. I am not kidding You just feel that good when you are there. We procured a bounty of goodies. I know I have said it a million times....I LOVE the market. Later in the morning, I went to the Y and worked out and then hopped in the pool and tried out my new bathing suit and goggles. I am happy to report that they are PERFECT. I ordered the suit from Land's End. Boy, do they understand my body a whole lot better than Speedo. It is flattering and is perfectly cut for swimming laps.
Well, I am so tired, I must now sign off. Good night, wonderful readers.