Thursday, December 08, 2005
A Blast from the Past and A Blast of Snow, Boob Jobs and War and Peace
We got a bunch of snow today and it is still coming down. It is pretty and all that but frankly, I can do without it. I grew up in a snow belt and even was on a ski team but I have lost interest. Jack was completely jazzed and couldn't wait to go out and play after school. I was so grateful that Chris was here to go outside with him. I hate to "play" in the snow with Jack. I also hate to play hide and seek or tag. There, I said it. Think whatever you want of my mothering.
While Chris was out with Jack the phone rang. Our nextdoor neighbor Doug was calling from his car for Chris. He wasn't going to be able to get home very quickly given the road situation so he wanted Chris to go next door and help his wife with some kind of pipe break/water flood disaster in progress. I told Doug that I would send Chris over pronto and assured him that we were glad to help. But I can be bone honest with you, dear readers. I wasn't happy about it. It meant that I would have to go out and play with my kid in the windy cold snow. I resentfully donned my snow gear - well, I borrowed a snow jacket from Chris because someone took my jacket last year and never returned it. I won't mention that someone's name so to protect my younger daughter's identity. I went outside and assumed a cheery voice with Jack and we did a some sled runs down our little hill in back. The runs consisted of me running down the hill as fast as I could while pulling Jack on the sled behind me. The hill is barely a hill and so unfortunately, one has to assist gravity in order to get up some speed. After several runs, I asked Jack if he was ready to go inside. NO! was his answer. I did a couple more runs with him out of some sense of moral motherhood obligation. What kind of person would I be to deprive my kid of happy play in the fresh snow? After a while, I asked again. NO! Well, this wasn't getting the desired result. I would have to try a different approach.
Didn't Jack want to go in to have hot chocolate? NO! We can have it later! A couple more runs. Aren't you getting cold? You must be getting really cold. Wow. Look at all the snow getting up your sleeves. Bet your wrists are cold. Bet they hurt, don't they? Finally, I broke him. In we went. Victory was mine.
In other news, my slight obsession with plastic surgery has surfaced again, this time with my interest split between two areas. Breast augmentations and the String Face Lift. (I will report on the so called String Lift in a future blog.) I am busy researching these procedures and poring over before and after photos. I have no idea what provokes me to do this. It is sort of like watching a car wreck. I can't take my eyes off the view even while being completely mortified. (N.B. I exclude breast reduction from my list of elective plastic surgery because I totally understand why someone would do that. Those of my readers who have felt me up - and you know who you are of course - know that I do not speak from experience on this. But, I just wanted to clarify that I make a huge distinction between a boob job and a necessary and benefical breast reduction. Just for the record.)
I found an interesting website tonight called something like "Find-a-Doc.com". You type in what kind of plastic surgery you want and what state you are in. What comes up is this bizzare list of doctors. Bizarre because on the left side of the page is a before photo and an after photo of the type of surgery you're interested in. I looked up boob jobs so those were the photos I saw. Then, next to the photos in the middle of the page, there was some text describing what you were seeing. I'll give an example:
Category: Breast Augmentation (Breast Implants)
Skin Tone: Medium
Description: Bilateral Augmentation Mammoplasty
Most descriptions were like the one above. But when I searched in North Dakota, I noticed that what the docs wrote for the "description" line was a bit different. (I looked at several different states to see if there was a marked difference in the age of patients and the after cup size.) The North Dakota descriptions did not refer to the surgery but to the patients' feelings afterward.
or my favorite:
"Petite asian woman looking for larger breasts" Sort of like some strange personal ad, isn't it?
To the right of the text, is a photo of the smiling (usually male) doctor who performed the surgery with all of his contact information. It was like little business cards for merchants hawking their wares.
I found it interesting that Connecticut was not listed among the states one could browse. There is surely no shortage of plastic surgeons there. It must be that they have their own websites and are not in need of such a service.
Anyway, I know that this is a strange pastime but I really am riveted by plastic surgery. I find it horrifying and seductive all at the same time.
It made me sad to see some of the before pictures because manhy of the women were SO young, some in their late teens, and had perfectly fine breasts. Even better than perfectly fine. Did the doctors inform them that the implants might make mamograms harder to read? I wonder.
Okay, enough of my ramblings. I am off to bed to read MISS MAPP. I heard a radio program commemorating the WAR AND PEACE marathon reading on Pacifica radio thirty years ago (took them many days to finish it) and I was inspired to read it again. I actually loved it the first time. I bought the Penguin Classic version, complete with lots of supplemental essays, or so I guess from the size of it compared with the version I read many years ago. When Chris saw it he laughed his knowing laugh at me. So now I HAVE to read it. Or at least pretend to in his company. It actually shouldn't be hard because it is an awfully good read. When Tolstoy isn't describing war anyway. I sort of skim those sections. The peace part is much more interesting. Battles bore me to tears.
I hope that this blog didn't bore you to tears...