Saturday, November 18, 2006

Is Your Betty Ready?

I would not dream of letting my loyal readers down by not reporting on this important new product. After all, we know how interested BloomingtonGirl has been in the hair "down there". Now, ladies - and men, I suppose - you have another way to beautify your can safely dye them the color of your choice! The new product line that makes this possible is called Betty Beauty. Betty has a selection of different colors for your netherhair - Brown Betty, Blond Betty, Auburn Betty, Black Betty and, the color I can't wait to try - Fun Betty!

This innovative product was developed by Nancy Jarecki, who while at a hair salon in Rome, observed patrons leaving with a discreet paper bag after their color treatments. She asked what was in the bag and was told that it was extra color for "the hair down there - so it would match". Inspired by the absolute necessity of such a product in her home market, she rushed to develop a line for the US.

On the Betty website, Jarecki tells about the research she did in the US to determine how very much pubic hair dye was needed here. She tells us that her salon-owner friend said that her clients would use the product and that she would indeed use it herself! She loved the idea of her pubes matching her chestnut head hair and "she confessed" that she desperately needed something to cover the gray hairs she had recently discovered down below. Horrors!

After polling her salon-owner friend, Jarecki asked her gynocologist what percentage of her patients "matched". Jarecki exclaims, "it turned out that almost nobody matched!" Fancy that, loyal readers. A tragedy and a market waiting to happen!

After this penetrating market research, Jarecki figured that "Sophisticated women, who spent time and lots of money getting their hair color just right, had no solution for coloring the hair down there. They were totally overlooking this crucial beauty area." (Crucial beauty area? Or did she mean crucial profit area?) Jarecki added "We even found some blondes who had tried to do it themselves using off-the-shelf products with terrible results!" Apparently one doesn't have to be a natural blonde to be a dumb one. Jarecki concluded that "It was clear that women (and even some men!) were desperate for a product like this." (Desperate? Wow.)

The Betty kits are $20 each and it is recommended that you touch up your downstairs do each time you color your upstairs do. Or you can "Reapply the color anytime you feel it needs a boost." And, if you want to go back to your original color, you just use the Betty kit that most closely matches it. I guess that you can't just let it grow out...that would be neglecting this crucial beauty area and as we know, that just won't do.

Interested readers may go to the website
and take a look for themselves. You can also order some T-shirts to proclaim the new you:

In the spirit of full disclosure - and you know your BloomingtonGirl loves to fully disclothes, I must inform you that my down do has always matched my up do, except for that brief unfortunate month when I dyed my hair platinum. But, as I age, I am finding that I am not matching quite as well. You see, my up do is graying at a faster rate than my down do. If I continue with my plan not to dye my up do, I will soon need a Gray Betty (or more accurately, a Salt & Pepper Betty) for my down do. This is very discouraging. Will I never escape being a slave to beauty?

I suppose that I could solve the color problem entirely by getting an extreme know, the removal of every last hair from front to back - the Kojack - if you will. It is a toss-up, loyal readers. One option makes me a slave to hair color once again and the other option might necessitate a labia lift.

I think that I should sleep on it before making a hasty decision. After all, one doesn't want to rush to action when such a crucial beauty area is involved.


Perk said...

And here I've been thinking that "Does the carpet match the drapes?" was a vulgar, sexist comment...frankly, I think people have far too little on(or in)their minds to concern themselves over the hirsute coloration of their down-low. I'd like to see blue, green and purple, myself.

Dick said...

I was always under the impression that the color of a womans eyebrows matched pretty closely the color of her "carpet". When I see a woman with a head of bleached blond hair and a couple of Wooley Bears over her eyes I kind of snicker to myself, knowing what's really going on down there. However, I could be all wrong.

pt said...

I chuckled all the way through "Is your Betty Ready?" What the hell else might those trend setting Romans be doing that will set our pants on fire?

I can see the American possibilities now. How about a reality show in which women compete for a free trip to a nude beach in the South of France, the winner being who has the best matching up and down do combination.
And of course another prize for the best complementary color combination, and one for really imaginative ladies who go for the polka dot or streak dos (is that the correct plural for do?)

And how about a senior division, maybe a 50+ and a 60+. I'd love to see an elegant silver downy down do to match a brilliant silver up do. We're talking revolution here. Maybe the AARP would offer to advertise the senior division contests.

I, of course, am available to "do" my part by offering my services to judge the contest.

I dont think the world in general is ready for the Sultan contest, although many men such as myself would pay lip service to the concept.