So, my mother just calls and Chris answers the phone. I hear him say, I don't know where it is...I haven't seen it in awhile. Then, a minute later, he says to me, with my mom holding the line, "Do we still have that wrought iron floor lamp - your Dad says it was your Aunt Helen's? Your parents are watching the Antique Roadshow and it's worth $5,000." I quickly and loudly remind Chris (so that my mother can hear me) that we do indeed have the lamp and that it is upstairs in the play room. While I say this, I am shaking my head and grimacing to Chris. He then puts me on the phone, whereupon I lie directly to my mother, expressing excitement to her about the value of this lamp and inwardly wondering what the hell I was thinking giving that lamp to Goodwill when we moved from CT to Bloomington.
I try to change the subject by asking whether the Keno twins did the appraisal ( the Keno twins are local boys, so I thought that would be a good diversion), but sadly they did not so my diverting ends right there. I assure my mom that we still had the lamp but I swear she knows I am lying. But, I figure I'll never get caught in the lie because my parents will never come to visit us in Indiana and they aren't the of the ilk to demand a recent snapshot of the goods.
I hang up the phone feeling sort of sick and stupid. I always really liked that lamp. Why the hell did I pitch it? I always liked my Aunt Helen too. (And another thing...why didn't we get her piano? Who did? But, I digress.)
But, lest my regret ruin the rest of my evening, I begin to wonder whether my father has it right, whether it is indeed the same lamp as was featured on the Roadshow. He tends to get all important details completely wrong, so it is possible that the lamp he saw bears no resemblance to the one I so thoughtlessly gave away.
I check the listings for the Roadshow and find that I can view the program highlighting the dreaded lamp appraisal tomorrow at 1PM. I tell Chris of my plan to watch the show and he answers in an annoyed tone, "What's the point? It's gone."
But, the point is to find out that my dad is wrong and let him know it so I don't feel so bad about throwing away five grand. Or it could be seven because I think that the shade was original and that adds two grand to the value.
In other crappy news, I remain convinced that I still have Scabies. Every time I have an itch or a skin irritation, I know that it is the pestilence returning to have its way with me. It is sort of like when they tell you at school that there is a case of head lice in your kid's class...your scalp starts to itch almost immediately. Suggestion is a powerful thing.
In other other news, I ate SO much junk food today. I didn't intend to but I did it just the same. I swear if I could be thin and healthy and eat only processed salty snack foods 24/7, that is what I would happily do. Cheetos, Doritos, Pretzels (preferably the delicious "Splits" brand), Pirate Booty, Goldfish...you name it. Once in college, our Food Processing class went on a field trip to the near by Frito Lay plant where they made Doritos. Heaven on Earth, Loyal Readers, eating those chips fresh out of the fryers. The time I got to visit a Girl Scout Cookie plant almost pales in comparison. That is how much I love salty snacks.
But, the universe gave me a little hint late in the day that I might want to slow down my consumption of junk food in the interest of staying thin. While shopping at this funky little gift shop, I came across a button that said:
"The only things that are made in the US anymore are big fat asses"
(That was in the bin with another instant favorite saying "I have a really big penis but I don't have it with me right now")
Well, off to read Clarissa. What on earth shall I read when I am done with this?