Monday, February 25, 2008

A Big Slump

Good Evening, Loyal Readers.  I am a bit surprised that some of you remain, actually.  I write seldom and I know that my words are not as witty or clever as they used to be.  Truth be told, I have run out of ideas.  Sadly, I have not run out of things to say.  The result is that I have no idea what I want to say.  Or something like that.

Perhaps it is the time of year, but I find myself in a slump.  Make that a SLUMP.  It isn't that I am unhappy.  For the most part, I am a pretty happy person.  My marriage is wonderful by anyone's standards, my kids are doing well, I need for nothing and my husband supports just about whatever I want to do, emotionally, financially and in all other ways.  How lucky am I ?  Incredibly lucky, I think.  

But, this wonderful life is presenting me with a big luxury problem lately.  What should I be doing with my life and my time and my creative energy?  Jack is in school full time and so I have that time on my hands.  We have a traditional marriage so I do have to keep the house and do the cooking...etc.  But, with one kid home and the other two grown up and on their own and a low maintenance husband, I still have time on my hands to use as I wish.    I've been working quite a bit for Cardinal but my one year board term will be up in May and I have to decide whether to continue with another term and  to spend my time and energy promoting other people's artistic work or to pull back and start doing some of my own artistic work.  I really want to do something that I feel proud of but I have no idea what that would be.  Chris and I also talked about me getting a real job, but then we decided that unless it was something I really wanted to do, it would negatively impact our family for me to be tied to a schedule and have very little vacation time.  That's okay with me because I have no burning desire to re-enter the work force in a traditional capacity.  I used to think that I could be a real writer and work on pieces for submission to magazines or the like.  But, lately, I can't seem to write anything that works.  Or finish writing anything for that matter.  I have started working on a play, but it is in the very early stages and I have no idea what I am doing.  Talk about humbling.  The problem is that every time I try to write something besides a funny piece for the blog, I get really hung up.  I lose complete faith in my writing ability and I start to think it is all a waste of time.  

Now, this is not said to elicit compliments or reassurances.  Really, it is not.  I just decided that I would write this all out and see where it took me.  And, here I am.  Wherever that is.

Where I physically am is in bed, wearing my orange flannel PJs and the NAP socks that my daughter's boyfriend (Phil) gave to me for Christmas.  They are the best socks in the universe, no kidding.  It is about 9:45.  Our bedroom, as it is all winter, is really chilly, but I am snugly tucked into our wonderful Tempurpedic bed.  Jack is asleep upstairs and Chris is brushing his teeth.  After I finish this post, I shall resume my reading of Babbitt.  

I watched some of In Treatment earlier.  For the most part, I enjoy it but there are parts that I find a bit out there.   I also practiced piano and I would like to report that I am sick to death of Minuet 1.  It sounds so simple but for some reason, I cannot get it down.  I play it over and over and over and over.  You get the idea.  I am determined to get it right before my lesson on Thursday.  

Well, that's all for now.  I know that this was a fairly boring post, but I am writing for the sake of writing to get myself back into the swing of things.   More later.  

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